


To The End Of The Earth

by litamaze



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005), Supernatural
Genre: I AM A MESS, M/M, sort of past relationship but not really, sort of pre slash but not really, tags are stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1770934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litamaze/pseuds/litamaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sort of Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy AU, just the first 10-20 minutes of the film I think. I was watching it and thought it would make a cute one shot Sabriel.<br/>I don't own any characters or the hitchhikers story yadda yadda yadda..</p>
            </blockquote>





	To The End Of The Earth

_The extraordinary story of the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy begins very simply. It begins with a man. An Earth man to be precise, who no more knows his destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the east India company. His name is Gabriel Milton. He is a five foot eight inch tall ape descendant, and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his house._

 

An arsenal of heavy machinery ready to bulldoze his home and life was waiting ready and impatient outside the compounds of Gabriel's white picket fence. the Gabriel in question was laid on the ground facing the blue sky above in only his blue shirt, red pyjama bottoms, slippers and green knighting gown. he lie straight in front of the frontline bulldozer as a man who was slightly too dressed up to be on the grounds of a soon to be construction sight paced menacingly towards him.

'Come off it Gabriel, I've known you years, you'll move soon enough.' The man whispered harshly.

'Willing to bet your pay check on that Crowley?' Gabriel's smug face never faltered.

'Oh please Mr Milton' he stressed, 'you can't lie in front of the bulldozers forever.'

Gabriel snorted at him unamused. 'Oh okay, lets see who rusts first then, shall we? Mr McLoud?' Gabriel teased Crowley. Nether the less Crowley stood his ground and continued to glare down at him.

'This bypass has got to be built and it is going to be built' Crowley pressed on, Gabriel ignored his attempts to convince him to stand down and let is house be destroyed.

'Why has it got to be built-'

'It's a bypass... You've got to build bypasses.' He tried to justify. 'Besides, you should have made your protests month ago, these plans have been on display at the planning office for a year.'

'On display?!' Gabriel mused. 'I had to go down to a cellar. And the guy already there was looking kinda shifty.' He stared up at him from his place on the ground, clearly and completely unamused by Gabriel, Crowley continued. Business as usual.

'Mr Milton, have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer, if I just let it roll straight over you?' Crowley's eyes glimmered with mischief and a plan to convince.

'How much?' Gabriel question, contemplating the latter.

'None. At. All.' Crowley enunciated.

 

_By a strange coincidence, none at all is exactly how much suspicion the ape descendant, Gabriel Milton, had that one of his closest friends was not descended from an apes but was in fact from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Beatleguise._

 

'Gabriel?' Balthazar called. Gabriel stared at the passing man who had arrived riding behind a beer filled shopping trolley. Balthazar vaulted over the small fence at the bottom of the small garden and worriedly called again, as if there were no bulldozers facing the small house. 'Gabriel? Gaaaabriel? GABE!'

'Balth?' Gabriel called back to him.

'Yes?' Balthazar called back, looking thrown off and confused. Gabriel gave a small wave to his friend who nodded and jogged over to where he was still sat on the gravel outside his garden fence. he reached him soon enough, pausing before sitting cross-legged in front of Gabriel on the floor. 'Eat, drink at least.' Balthazar handed over a can of John Smiths and a packet of salted peanuts. 'We gotta talk'

'Now's not the best time Balth, they're gonna demolish my home.' Gabriel pointed out to his friend, who was dressed rather formally, as if Thursday was a special occasion. He wore a simple yet formal back V-neck shirt and black skinny jeans, with a beige messenger bag slung over his left shoulder.

'WHOA,' he stood 'You already,' Balthazar stuttered looking questioningly up at the sky. 'You already know? How?' He stared at Gabriel. Who simply raised an eyebrow and threw his arms up gesturing to the demolition crew around him. Balthazar turned his head slowly taking in the scene around him. Demolition workers around him stared at him, completely bemused by his ignorance. Suddenly Balthazar took in a sharp breath of understanding. 'Oh, they.' Balthazar turned frantically pointing at individual workers. 'They, you say they, you mean they. They, god. Look, Listen,' Balthazar crouched down to his friend so they were at eye level. 'I got something important I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you right now.'

'But what about my house?' Gabriel asked pathetically. Balthazar stood up, looking over at the small quaint little home next to him. It was a nice looking house. Painted white years ago, it was fading into a dirty cream colour, but it was nice all the same. A small touring caravan was parked in the driveway, and a wide stretch of grass. Balthazar looked around helplessly waiting for an idea to form. When it did, he turned to the mass of men behind him.

'Workers of the Earth' he addressed, 'I bring good tidings... of peanuts! And beer!' He stepped over to where he had allowed the shopping trolley to crash into a particularly large bulldozer, first inspecting the damage and wincing slightly at the small dent and scratch to paintwork. He took a few cans out of the trolley passing them to a near by man who happily accepted his offer. The men soon flocked to the trolley handing out the bags and cans, while Gabriel stared up at them as if they weren't about to destroy all he had. Balthazar walked back to him offering a hand up which he accepted, dusting off his clothes.

'Good' Balthazar proclaimed to the smaller man. 'Next thing, come on. Let's go to the pub.' He dragged Gabriel by his thin wrists, quickly away from the scene and through the workers. 'They say they won't demolish your home until they've finished their beers' he explained.

'Well can we trust them?' Gabriel countered.

'Oh, I'd trust them to the end of the earth.'

'How far is that?' Gabriel asked him.

 Balthazar looked at him then up at the sky almost pleadingly. 'About twelve minutes away.' He replied nervously, keeping his eyes and walking forward, Gabriel just looked at him helplessly. He must be drunk already, Gabriel thought to himself whilst being lead down the path to the village.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Then they arrived at the pub, Balthazar through open the door in a hurry, 'Barman,' he called, 'Ellen!' He corrected himself. 'Six pints of bitter, and quickly' even in his hurry Balthazar managed to be condescending as usual, Gabriel noted. Ellen looked at him, with raised eyebrows and an: are-you-sure-you-want-to-say-that-to-me, motherly look. Ellen knew how to put Balthazar in his place and he quickly apologized.

'The world, my dear, is about to end.' Balthazar supplied. She just rolled his eyes at him and began to pour drinks. Balthazar slapped down a 100 dollar note onto the counter, 'keep the change' Ellen looked at him expecting an answer, to which Balthazar elaborated sounding annoyed, like it was normal to pay 100 dollars for six pints. 'You've got ten minutes to spend it.' Ellen took the money shaking her head, she also assumed he was drunk already, although when he wondered in the morning where his money was she wouldn't be first in line to give it back.

'Um, three pints each? At lunch time?' Gabriel began to ask. He looked over at his friend who was sitting next to him already halfway through his first glass. Balthazar noted his stare and finished his drink. Setting it down loudly on the counter. He had an uncivilised amount of foam on his upper lip.

'Sorry' he replied meekly. Rooting around his messenger bag for something. Gabriel was surprised to see him fish out a towel. 'Time! Is an illusion.' then he hesitated before adding, 'Lunch time, doubly so' Gabriel never sopped staring at him. Balthazar put the towel back in his bag. 'And, eat those peanuts,' Balthazar shoved a small bowl towards him, 'You'll need the salt' he explained.

'Look, what is going on Balthazar?' Gabriel demanded an explanation to why his best friend was acting the way he was.

'Gabriel, what if I told you I really wasn't from France? Or London? If I was from a small planet, somewhere in the vicinity of Beatleguise.' Gabriel snorted at him. Balthazar stared at him seriously.

'What? Is that the sort of thing you're likely to say?' Gabriel asked.

A second passed before Balthazar lit up with an idea again, 'Remember when we met?'

 

**It had been an above average day when Gabriel was walking home from a day out alone as usual. That was when he saw it. A formally dressed blonde man, walking down the middle of the road holding a bouquet of flowers and his a hand out stretched. It wasn't until Gabriel reached the road he saw the car heading towards the man. The blonde in the road showed no signs of stopping as the car sped towards him his bright eyes and smile never faltered. It was then that Gabriel had ran into the road and knocked the strange individual out of the way, saving his life.** **He had landed right ontop of the stranger** **, he and the man both looked down the road at the car driving away. Gabriel looked back at the man who looked up at him. Gabriel's face was still laced with worry and confusion but was met by a happy grin staring up at him. 'Hey.' The man below him chirped still grinning widely. 'Balthazar. And you?'**

 

'Didn't you think it was a bit strange I was trying to shake hands with a car?' Balthazar perched his hand on Gabriel's shoulder and gripped it tightly.

'Well I assumed you were drunk'. Gabriel explained, staring at the hand on his shoulder, then back at his friend with confusion.

Balthazar laughed at him, 'I thought cars were the dominant life form' He said with a shrug. 'I was trying to introduce myself'. He stared off into the distance, reminiscing, before being snapped back to his place in time. 'You saved my life that day. now I-I'm saving yours.' He looked down at the table in front of him and drank his second glass fully. He looked back at Gabriel then pointed to the glasses in front of him. 'Drink'.

'It must be a Thursday' Gabriel said to himself with a shrug. 'Could never get the hang of Thursdays'. he shook his head.

'Look if this is about the house-' Balthazar begun.

'It's not about the house.' Gabriel sighed, bringing out is old beaten up phone and unlocking it, showing Balthazar a picture of him and a man with rather long hair and a sweet goofy smile.

'Who's she?' Balthazar asked.

'He.' Gabriel corrected.

'He?' Balthazar asked again.

'Sam Winchester' Gabriel said with a sigh. 'We met at a fancy dress party' Gabriel continued. 'You see, I hate those kind of parties. I'd much rather have stayed at home and, oh I don't know, ate pizza and watched bad TV, but any way. There I was..'

 

**Gabriel stood in the corner of a crowded room. He definitely wished that he had stayed at home. He was stood awkwardly reading a book whilst the music continued to blare around him at an unnecessarily high volume. Then something highly improbable happened. A man in a suit and false beard carrying a stuffed dog jumped next to him. Gabriel gave of a surprised yelp to which the tall man laughed off. 'Who are you?' the man asked, staring down at him smiling.**

**'Oh, ermm' Gabriel faltered. 'Milton, Gabriel Milton' He supplied to which them man shook his head.**

**'I meant who _are_ you' He gestured down at his costume.**

**'Oh yes, right. Umm. Loki' He smiled half heartedly and shy. 'Yeah it isn't as clever as Darwin but I didn't expect anyone to talk to me tonight.'**

**'You know you're the first person to get that right. Everyone keeps calling me Santa.' He gestured to the false beard. Gabriel laughed and the man continued. 'And here was me thinking the beagle was a dead give away.'**

**'Yeah so did I. But I suppose all these people are stupidly drunk already.' He looked around him at the people obscenely grinding against each other.**

**'What did you say? the music's really loud!' the man yelled.**

**'I said,' and at that exact moment by some improbable coincidence, the music was cut off, 'ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE STUPID oh god.' Gabriel looked at the people around him staring at him. Wi** **th all the people in the room staring at them, the man let out a supressed giggle, 'I'm Sam by the way'.**

 

 

'Awkward', Balthazar commented with a small laugh.

'Yeah tell me about it', Gabriel replied looking down at his half drunken beer. 'He was amazing though Balth. beautiful, witty and mad as a balloon.'

 

 

**'I've got to say, without the beard you look at least, eight years younger.' Gabriel and Sam were sat on the roof of the flat now, knelt on uncomfortable concrete but non of that mattered o Gabriel. He had found something more important to fixate on for the moment.**

**Sam looked at him with a small smile before replying, 'Maybe I'm de-evolving.' It was a terrible pun, but it was bad enough to be funny to both of them.**

**'Well then I think that I should tell you that I don't date single celled organisms.' He took a sip from his wine glass and so did Sam. Sam looked at him for a second before leaning in and kissing Gabriel's cheek. Gabriel sat in shock smiling at the taller man in front of him.**

**'Lets go somewhere.' Sam suggested. Gabriel stared at Sam's lips.**

**'Yeah, definitely. Um, where do you have in mind?' he looked up into Sam's eyes. after a moment Sam smiled at him.**

**'Madagascar.' Sam said with delight.**

**'Is that the new club on 5th?' Gabriel asked not thinking it through before Sam had time to reply.**

**'No, it's country, off the coast of Africa.' Sam defined.**

**'Oh that Africa' Gabriel said with humour, 'what are we waiting for here?' Gabriel's voice was dripping in sarcasm. He smiled at Sam before realising he was being deadly serious. 'God, you're, serious. Um, I can't go to Madagascar' .**

**'Why not?' Sam asked innocently.**

**'Well because.' Gabriel knew because wasn't a great answer but he was in shock. A guy he barely knew just up and asked him to go to Madagascar with him. 'Well, you know, I, um, I-I..' Sam stared at him smiling at his stuttering. 'You're really serious?' He asked again.**

**'Yes' Sam confirmed. 'I wanna go somewhere I've never been before, and I'd like to go with you, so, what do you say?' Sam looked at him with hope in his eyes.**

**'I say that that is, an extraordinary proposition, it's just I cant'. I can't go, I've got a job.' Gabriel tried to explain the difficulties to Sam who just continued to smile at him.**

**'Quit.' Sam said simply. 'Get a new one when you come back.' He suggested, but Gabriel knew he couldn't do that, especially for someone he had on just met a few hours ago.**

**'I don't even know your whole name.' Gabriel argued. Sam grabbed his hand and entwined their fingers.**

**'Samuel Winchester.' He smiled.**

**'Well, Samuel Winchester, I have a proposition for you.' Gabriel had to think quickly. He didn't want to lose Sam but he couldn't go to Africa. 'Why don't we.. Go somewhere, a little closer first.' Yeah it sounded lame but its the best he could do. 'Say, Cornwall? and see how it goes?' Sam gave a soft laugh and looked over the roof at the neighbouring buildings.**

**'Right. Of course. Cornwall.' Sam took a sip from his glace when a stranger with blond hair stepped up behind them.**

**'Hey,' They both looked up. He was looking only at Sam. 'This guy boring you?' He asked. 'Why don't you talk to me instead.' He spared a glance to Gabriel who frowned at him. 'I'm from, a different planet.' He brushed his fingers through his hair and looked back at Sam and laughed. Sam laughed back and Gabriel looked between the two of them. This couldn't be happening he though to himself, he had just met Sam, but he knew he liked him. He didn't want to let some creepy guy at a party steal him away. But he had no words to defend himself with. 'It's true' The stranger said, 'Do you wanna see my spaceship?' he asked again, looking at Sam. Gabriel rolled his eyes and looked over to Sam who was smiling at the man. The stranger winked and took Sam's hand, kissing it. Sam giggled and was lead away. Gabriel was alone again.**

'Do you wanna see my spaceship. Really what kind of a chat up line is that.' Gabriel questioned nobody in particular but through his story telling he had managed to finish two of the glasses.

All Balthazar had to say was, 'that does happen' as if that was a well  known pick up line. 'Speaking of..' Gabriel looked at him confused as Balthazar looked at his watch. '...We have two minutes. Drink up drink up drink up.' As he finished his sentence there was a loud clattering sound in the distance.

Gabriel sprung up from his bar stool 'My house!' He yelled with alarm and ran out of the door. Balthazar drank what was left on the table and slammed the glass down. Raising two arms in the air in triumph and stuffing packets of peanuts into his pockets and bag.

'People of earth,' he addressed for the last time, 'a round of drinks for everyone on me.' he put more money down on the bar as people cheered.

'Do you really think the world's going to end?' Ellen asked with worry. To which Balthazar nodded.

A man from the back of the room piped up and yelled, 'Should we lie down or put a paper bag over our heads?' He laughed.

'If you'd like.' Balthazar replied to the drunk.

'Would it help?' A woman nearer to him asked. Ellen rolled her eyes.

'Not at all.' Balthazar replied. 'Oh and Ellen, Jo.' They looked to him. 'It was a pleasure knowing you. Ash? Not so much'  Balthazar ran out of the pub and down the road after Gabriel. Ash stuck his head out of the door and yelled after him, 'I'm cool with it!'.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When Gabriel was finally met with the remains of his home at the end of the road, he was severely out of breath. It was true Gabriel had never been an athlete of any sorts but he was panting so hard he thought he may pass out from sheer exhaustion. He stopped to look at the mess that was made of his house and ran both hands through his golden hair. 'Oh fuck' he cursed under his breath. Suddenly he was met with a chorus of: what is that, and equally creative curses. But none of that mattered to him. He had lost his life now. He had nowhere to live, he didn't bother looking around at the people running from the scene, screaming. He ran through the rubble mouthing 'my house' silently at the still crumbling walls.

It was then that Balthazar reached the scene. He too ran through the demolished pile of bricks and broken furniture, Balthazar ran to where the old bathroom was not five minutes ago, and began to move the rubble, digging for something. soon after, Balthazar raised his fist in triumph holding one of Gabriel's light blue towels. 'AHA! Towel!' He gripped the towel and ran towards his friend who was stood staring up at the sky, mouth gaping open in shock.

Up in the sky there was what only could be described as a spaceship. Although it looked less like a spaceship and more of a giant floating garbage truck. It was dirty, and rusty, and all in all unpleasant looking. 'GABRIEL' Balthazar called as he reached where he was stood.

'WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THING?!' Gabriel yelled, pointing up at the sky.

'They're ships from a Vogon destructor fleet, I picked up their signal this morning, here.' Balthazar handed Gabriel the towel, 'You'll need this.' Balthazar through his hand in the air, wrapping his other arm around his friend.

'What are you doing?' Gabriel asked. Balthazar stuck out his thumb which began to emit an orange beam going straight upwards.

'Hang on.' He said calmly. 'We're hitching a ride'.

 


End file.
